Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
