wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
