alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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