yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
try to milk me bitch
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
