WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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