What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
