Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
