I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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