fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
