I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
