My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I could make wine with my vomit
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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