I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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