Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
