dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
