I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
