I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
