Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
