i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
