So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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