loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
