wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
