If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
two words...techno handjob
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
