maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
