I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Rumble strips road head = magical
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had to cum in my sink.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
