when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
