I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
