My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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