I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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