I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
