Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
