I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
