I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
