One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
