The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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