Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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