You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I need moral support for this bender
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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