Im at strip club and am horny
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
