The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
