Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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