I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
