Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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