it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she smelled like a LAN party
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
