dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
