he puts the penis in happiness.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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