my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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