The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
