so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
