Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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