My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
