i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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