all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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