If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
