found the other keg... it's in the tree
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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