I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
