Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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