Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
